Fourth MTC Letter 10/4/2013

If you would like, you can email Natasha at:

natasha.stout@myldsmail.net

(Missionaries only get 1 hour a week to read and reply to email, so she may not be able to give a long reply through email, but she would be happy to hear from you)

You can also send a letter to her at the MTC:

Sister Natasha Lydia Stout
NOV08 KOR-SEOS
2005 N 900 E Unit 193
Provo UT 84602

Singing at the Relief Society broadcast was such a good experience. At first I wanted to go just so that I could get off of campus and be on TV and stuff but it was more spiritually strengthening than I could have expected. The whole day was just perfect. All of the songs were perfect. I'm grateful that I was able to start off my mission by singing praises to God, telling Him that I'll go where He wants me to go, be who He wants me to be, asking for more holiness, gratitude, purity, faith, tears for His sorrows, pain at His grief, and asking to be more used. I love the song that Sally DeFord wrote for us. "As Sisters we'll tell the world the gospel is restored." We'll tell the world the joy of families. There were just so many parts of the song that touched me. I ended up having to whisper a lot because my voice kept cracking from the tears. I really want to be more used. And throughout the day I became less concerned with why I wanted to go and more with what my purpose was there. I was there to preach His gospel and spread the spirit of missionary work. It's not about me. It's not about who I am and what I have to bring to the table. It's about who God wants me to be. What more could I want? What could be better? Could I be anything better than exactly who God needs me to be? I'll be a better servant if I do what God wants me to do. I don't know what's best.

It's interesting to see how the things that I learned this summer have prepared me for my mission and prepared me for things that I needed to learn here. For example, one of my learning themes this summer was trusting in God. I need to forget what I want and what I think I need because I don't actually know. But God know exactly what I need. So I can trust that He'll guide me, help me, and give me the trials that I need for the refinement that I need so that I can be my best self. I think I know what's best for me but I really don't. So I need to trust in God that whatever He gives me is what I need (no matter how bad it may seem) so that I can become the best person that I can become. Does this make sense? So pretty much: we shouldn't complain about our trials because they're what we need. They're really gifts to us. Who are we to think that we know better than God? So just trust and give thanks.

And my goal for my mission is to be what is needed. I need to trust in God that He'll give me what I need so that I can be what is needed for Him. So I'm really not giving Him anything. Rather, He's giving me what I need to give to Him.